


My Everything

by KSForever



Category: BBC Sherlock, Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Gender Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria episodes, Gender Fluid Character, Gender Issues, Gender related subjects, Genderqueer Character, Heart to heart chats, Inspired by Mystrade Is Our Division Prompts, LGBTQ topics, M/M, Mycroft’s gender status, Mystrade is our division, cross dressing, vulnerable honesty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: I just joined Mystrade Is Our Division. This story is mostly inspired by one of the daily prompts there, and by one suggested to me after I requested some prompts via MIOD.Genderqueer Coming Out. Cross dressing. Heart to heart conversations. Vulnerable honesty. These are the topics for this story.
Relationships: Greg/Mycroft, Mycroft/Greg, Mystrade - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	My Everything

My Everything

Greg watched Mycroft, who was seated in his bedroom, on the end of his bed, with his back to the doorway. He was looking through one of those decorated boxes which Greg had noticed, over the months, dotted around the upstairs of Mycroft's home.

"I'll be with you in a minute." Mycroft mentioned to him, closing the box that was perched on his knees. He looked over his shoulder at Greg Lestrade.

Mycroft, of all people, had to be allowed to have his secrets. Greg knew this. Yet, something he saw, in Mycroft's eyes, just before his guarded expression usually came in to play, had Greg, who was leaning against the doorframe, catch his breath in his throat, and take a tentative half step over the bedroom's threshold. "My, can I ask what's in those boxes? They're obviously chosen with care, for keepsakes?"

"Some things I inherited from my uncle." Mycoft spoke carefully, as he turned towards Gregory, and beckoned him forward, further in to the room. Unsure, and trying to be sure, all the time.

Greg approached Mycroft carefully, gently.

Mycroft patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Greg sat next to Myc.

"They're not actually his things." Mycroft managed to say. "They're mine. Though, I inherited my need for them from him."

"Are we talking about medical things?" Greg twined his and Myc's nearest hands together.

"No. But the things these boxes contain do help... Well, they help some of the foibles you know I've got." Mycroft braved. He opened the box on his lap, just a bit, and then, further and further. He shifted the top layer of tissue paper inside the box, aside, and took jewellery from the two little gauze gift bags amidst the tissue paper.

Greg could see a silk garment inside. One that was cream in colour. Placed on top of this garment, were fine golden necklace and bracelet chains. He looked to Mycroft. Mycroft looked to him.

Mycroft could see no hatred or fear in Gregory's eyes as yet. "I cross dress, Gregory. Sometimes. Not often. I don't feel able to do so often, and I don't always feel the need to do so."

Greg caressed the hand of Mycroft's that he held. "Are you gender fluid or genderqueer, or any thing like that?"

Mycroft's reply threatened to stick in his throat. "Yes." He paused. "You mustn't feel any obligation to stay with me. You can leave."

"I've no wish to." Greg answered honestly.

"It's difficult enough coming out as gay in your work environment, Gregory; without taking in to account that your partner genuinely is actually Queer. I mean, truthfully, I don't get the episodes often, but I do get them." Mycroft replied.

"Mycroft, this relationship isn't ending, darlin', unless you ever want it to?" Greg checked.

"I don't think I will ever truly want that to happen." Mycroft found himself opening up further still. "I fear, terribly, that the day might come, when, for your own safety from my enemies, I wish I had not begun this relationship, or continued it, but I will never truly want it to end. I cannot forsee any path leading to that conclusion. I am utterly in love with you."

"We've had this part of our conversation before, Mycroft. I choose to be with you. You choose to be with me. Neither of us have safe professions, and we both, I'm one hundred percent sure, each have our enemies. I understand why you just said what you did. I feel the same way. I pray that none of my enemies ever use you to get to me, or hurt you as collaterol damage." Greg replied, sudden tears in his eyes.

"You are likely at more risk than I am, Greg, and I love you. So, it follows that I should let you go. I am being selfish." Mycroft said earnestly.

"You'd be being selfish if you didn't let me make up my own mind to be with you." Greg told him. "We can't discount how much better we BOTH feel that our lives are, how much happier we are, now that we've braved starting this relationship. It's not just your responsibility. I started it, too. I persued you somewhat, didn't I? You've got to let yourself take that in to account."

"You would undoubtedly be safer without me, and, you could get yourself someone who is genuinely all man, or you could go back to women. Why would you want me? I'm not exactly either...But, I can't claim to be both. I don't have any diagnosed intersex status I can claim. Though, sometimes, all the time really, I think, if I could, if I was, if I did, have both genders.... I could, perhaps, explain myself better, and feel better. Perhaps. What do I know?" Mycroft tried to explain himself without actually belittling the struggle of people who were genuinely intersex.

""You know enough. You are very clever, very insightful, and very valid, and, as for me : My mind, my heart, all that stuff, would not be safer without you, Mycroft. I love you so much, and, it has to be said, being with you has helped me live with who I am, has helped me be okay about myself. Gratitude isn't why I love you or stay with you, but, with you, I am going to stay. Even if I died in the line of duty tomorrow, and even if I'm ever killed while helping you and Sherlock fulfill your duties to Queen and Country, I will always love you, My, and I will never regret being with you. I will also haunt you, in the nicest way possible, if I ever get killed off!" Greg tried to lighten the mood.

"Don't talk like that, my darling, but I do appreciate the sentiment." Mycroft promised.

"Good!" Greg smiled. "Let's get back to the gender topic that started this conversation..."He paused."Do you change your pronouns, when you dress in your female clothes?" Greg asked, trying to get rid of anything in his voice which Mycroft might mistakenly read as judgement. "Do you want to?"

"No, and no." Mycroft noted. "Obviously, some people do, but I don't."

"I won't mind, and won't judge you, if you want to." Greg assured his love and lover.

"It gets too awkward, and it makes things feel even odder. Pronouns and I have an odd relationship. I worry about not changing them, and then, I worry about changing them.I've yet to deduce exactly why that's the case, for sure, but it is. One thing I do know, it adds to the dysphoria. Though, I cannot quite figure it out sufficiently." Mycroft spoke introspectively.

"It's okay." Greg smiled. "And, I'm okay with it all, I promise."

"You're too good to me. I call you my Beast. But, you're not a Beast at all, Gregory. Not at all." Mycroft reached out and stroked Gregory's lovely, lovely face.

"I am not too good to you, Myc." Greg caressed Mycroft's face, too. "You deserve kindness, and respect, and love. You're a wonderful man, and, I'm sure, a beautiful woman. You are a beautiful Genderqueer or Gender fluid person. You are a beautiful person."

"I've made terrible decisions, had to do some terrible things, for Queen and Country." Myc pointed out, not for the first time.

"And they've all weighed very, very heavily on you, as the similar decisions and things I've had to do, the things I've had to see and be a part of, have weighed on me..." Greg confided.

They rested their foreheads together, and Mycroft held on to the box on his lap, still, but concentrated fully on Greg, and the love he felt for him, and could feel emananting from him, for Mycroft himself, he knew. “I know." He replied to Greg's confession. "I love you, Gregory."

"And, I love you. I absolutely do. Not because of obligations, or any thing other than that I truly love you, and you truly deserve to be loved, and you have chosen me to want that love from. I am so lucky for that. It's different to the kind of love I had with my exes. It's better, and more far reaching, than anything I thought I could ever feel, or deserved to experience and be a part of. But, I'm glad to be here, in it, with you. It's you I love. You. Everything about you." Lestrade was finding out every day how he could be different with Mycroft; how he didn't feel stupid for talking too much about emotive subjects. How honest he could be. How honest he actually wanted to be. How the usual 'blokes, even some gay ones, don't talk so much about their feelings, or during the pillow talk phase, or even, while actually having sex.' thing didn't seem, at least not always, to apply to him and Mycroft. And, he couldn't pin it down to Mycroft's unfolding revelation about his gender.

"Even my annoying habbits?" Mycroft smiled, bringing Greg from his reverie. "Or, is it just that you love me in spite of everything I am?" He asked seriously.

"Allowing myself to be LGBTQ fully, at last, out, at least with you, and with a few family members and friends, I am free. I am happy. I am inspired by your beauty and bravery. It isn't a condescending love. It isn't a pitying 'My is so brave' kind of admiration. It's so very much more, because you are so brave, and so damn beautiful, and so fucking sexy, My. You really are. You have inspired me to throw away my old prejudices and fears, and uncertainties. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be with you at last. I'm not perfect. I have some insecurities to work on. I don't know if I'll ever manage to be okay with the idea of a marriage certificate ever again. But that's just me being silly, because I do love you enough to marry you." It was Greg's turn to panic. "Have I said too much?"

"No, darling, and I do not want you to fret." Mycroft promised. "We're together, and sure of each other's love, and those two facts matter more than any other."

They kissed. So close. They leant their foreheads together again.

"Is there anything you particularly like, or want from me, when you are dressed in your silk slips and lady's jewellery?" When we make love, or just, you know, in general, when I am around you during..." Greg pondered, asking My.

"... My female episodes?" Mycroft continued for him.

"Is there?" Greg asked.

"I don't want you to do anything you might not want to. I don't know, Greg. I suppose I... I don't think I've had enough Brandy to be able to say this, without embarassment, and a thousand other stupid or valid thoughts and emotions." Mycroft fathomed.

"You don't have to tell me now, but you can, if you want to. And, we don't have to do anything, fem, or otherwise, tonight, if you're not ready, in the wake of our chat here." Greg almost paused."Unless that's why you've been looking in the boxes now and again, this last week or so, because you're feeling that way, wanting to express all that, at the moment?"

"I am, yes." Mycroft admitted. "Greg, I. I'm not saying that we can ignore the fact that I have a penis. I don't always want to ignore it. And, when I'm aroused, and you definitely arouse me, dear one, it's difficult to ignore it, even if I were to or wanted to, tuck it 'out of the way' so to speak, because that can be done... But, I have always wondered, when I'm like this, what it might be like, to be spoken to as though I were a woman... You can call me My. I suppose I might change my name during these episodes, if my parents had called me Sherlock, instead of my dear brother. I may have decided, then, to give myself the moniker 'Shirl' or 'Shirley' during these times. But, as I said earlier, I don't feel a strong need to change my name, or my pronouns..."

"Does Sherlock know, or suspect, or whatever?" Greg wondered.

"I know that he does." Mycroft answered Greg's question. "But, as with several other things, it's not something we talk about. It's not something he's ever used against me yet, either."

Greg was, of course, grateful for this. "I hope he never feels he has reason, cause, or the whim, to use it against you. He isn't always so thoughtless, or so manipulative."

"No. He isn't." The elder Holmes brother agreed. "He can be hurtful, for many reasons; some of them justified or for the better good, but he isn't always the villain he sometimes likes others to believe he is. He doesn't always think I am that villain either. A lot of the time, yes; he likes to at least let himself and others think that he has cast me in that role, but he doesn't always do so. We have seen each other through a lot, my brother and I."

"I know you have, love. Probably even more than I'm aware of, and what I'm aware of, is more than enough for the two of you to have been put through, together or apart." Greg soothed his hands over Mycroft's skin.

"Yes, well, we're not exactly normal, the Holmes family." Mycroft spoke sadly. "But, that isn't why I am differently gendered, Greg. It is not why at all. I really don't think there's a psychological cause for my issues. My brain probably is different, yes. It's different in many ways, but there were no outward influences on this, if you understand what I'm saying?"

"I do, sweetheart. Don't worry about trying to assure me of that. I get it. I believe you." Greg lifted one of Mycroft's hands to his lips, and kissed Myc's knuckles.

Mycoft's breath hitched, at the gentility in Greg's kiss.

"I'll spend all evening, all night kissing your hands, and other parts of you, if that's what you're in the mood for?" Greg's eyes sparkled as he flirted with his boyfriend.

"Going back to your earlier question about things I might be interested in us doing, in the so called 'bedroom department'... I mean, especially, when I'm going through one of my episodes...." Mycroft started, nervously.

"My, don't be nervous. I know it isn't, no pun intended, straight forward, to admit to all this LGBTQ stuff, especially when you work in the fields we do, it adds yet another reason to be tempted to stay in the closet... But, here, you and me, it's okay to say these things to each other, or even to yourself. If you're, as you are, brave enough to be out, then, I'm going to be right by your side, loving and helping you... And, I'll try my best to always be out, at work, etcetera, as well... But, anyway, darlin', I digress, let's get back to what you wanted to get back to..." Greg lovingly coaxed Mycoft to say what he obviously needed to.

Mycroft took, a deep breath in, exhaled, and then began his admission: "I just might like to be spoken to in the way a good man such as yourself, I'm sure, has spoken to the women in his life." Mycroft tried not to babble. "But, if that would remind you to much of your ex wife, or some other woman, or might make you miss being with an actual woman more than you do, I don't want that. I don't want you to hurt more than you do about those things, and I don't want you to love me, mostly male as I am, less. I also know you allowed yourself to be okay with your being gay or bi or pan, or whatever you've decided, so that you could experience male on male sex. And, now, I might be, sort of, taking some of that away from you."

"You are taking nothing away from me, Mycroft. And, your fantasy will not be painful or bittersweet for me. It will be my priviledge, and my joy, in every sense of the word, to love you the way you want to be loved. "I've told you. I've shucked off those old prejudices. I'm loving more encompassingly, genuinely now, than I ever thought myself capable of. And, I'm loving that fact. I have you to thank, and you to love. You're making me so happy. It's not a big deal for me to fulfill this wish of yours. Or, it's a big deal, but only in the best kind of way and priviledge. God, I'm talking more; admitting more than I ever have." Greg grinned.

"As am I." Mycroft answered whole-heartedly. "Would you be amenable to me wearing a camisole tonight, and one of my head-scarves? I also wear a very small amount of eye shadow and eyeliner, usually." Mycroft warned his Gorgeous Greg.

Greg smiled widely, genuinely, and immediately."Shall I sit here and wait for you to put on your outfit of choice, or would you like to come in to your dressing room with you, and share in the moment? Oh, I mean, do you want to do this here and now, or later this evening?" He was babbling again, he knew it, but he so didn't want to pressure Mycroft. "If you need your distance, as such; if you don't want me hovering, while you put on your make up, I will wait here..."

Mycroft took Greg's hand in his, and continued to hold his chosen box of clothing in his other hand. He stood up from his bed, and Greg stood with him. He led Greg in to his dressing room. This beautiful evening, this beautiful man, was so special to Mycoft that he was going to, (that he could even) share everything -this everything at the very least, (probably some, most, others, too) - with him.

The End..?  
24.3.20/25.3.20

Lines added: 25.8.20


End file.
